I was umming and ahhhing whether to write this on a published post that everyone could see but figured there might be other people that have felt or currently feel the same way.
Since the birth of my baby in fact since being pregnant I have had getting back into exercise on my mind especially my running. I didn’t think that having a baby would be a big deal and I figured shifting the weight and getting back into it all would be simple. I was going to be super mum!
To an extent the first bit was easy enough – getting back into exercise and losing the first bit of weight – but I didn’t realise it would be so hard to get back to where I was before or the sheer energy drain that a new born baby can be and so this week I have been feeling a bit down and eating rubbish food and then feeling even more miserable.
I went for a run on the treadmill at the gym earlier this week, I was just cooling down and one of my friends arrived and hopped onto the treadmill next to me and we chatted as I cooled off. I said to her -‘ how come it’s so hard!. It all just feels so hard.’ I was running at 9.5km on the treadmill whereas before being pregnant i could get up to 15km on a good day.
She responded by reminding me that I had just had a baby and had only been back into exercise for 4 weeks. I kind of nodded but I still had this overwhelming desire to be better, to be perfect and get back to where I was. It was only when in Harvey Norman yesterday paying for my purchase with baby M that the penny dropped.
I almost cried there and then but reflected on the way home that she was right. I have been trying so hard to be a good mum and wanted people to see that I am a good mum but I have been punishing myself for not losing weight quick enough, not getting back into exercise quick enough and not being able to do as much as i could before – but I have a baby now – a beautiful wonderful baby and that is enough.
I think sometimes we spend so much time worrying about what people think about us and trying to be what we think people want/expect us to be that we end up often doing more harm than good. This weeks experiences have really put me in my place and helped me to realise that it’s ok not to be perfect as long as we accept who we are and that that’s enough then that’s all good. It’s hard not to worry about what people think but it is a real downward spiral if we have that on our minds all the time. It doesn’t help when we are constantly bombarded with images from the media with celebrities that appear to be perfect. It’s only later we often read about their melt down. I get tired of seeing people that had bounced back after having their baby within weeks plastered all over the latest magazines. Another good friend of mine reminded me that it takes 9 months to put that weight on – allow at least that to lose it again.
I want to encourage anyone else feeling the same way I have that you are a beautiful person inside and out and if the people around you can’t see that then you are with the wrong people. Keep doing what you’re doing – you’re doing a great job :-)